Jann's Blog

Personal GPS

While much has been written and said about John Edward's, as someone who studies leaders, I feel obligated to write a post on his predicament.  In my opinion, his explanation was accurate:  he let his ego get the best of him.  He was narcissistic to the point that he thought he could get away with anything and everything.  But where was his personal global positioning system (GPS)?  Why was he not following the values he was out advocating and promoting?  And if his family was aware of his situation before the campaign began, how did they think he would get away with it? 

It is one thing for Edwards to get so caught up with himself and all that accompanies power in a negative way, but why wasn't someone thinking clearly and following their GPS?  Leaders need reality checks and they need people to keep them authentic and accountable.  Instead, it appears everyone going along for the ride.  This is what I don't understand.  The whole situation is so confusing.

There are so many lessons to be learned from this situation--what not to do. 

Another Perspective on Brett Farve

Much has been written about Brett Farve asking to be released from the Packers to be traded to the New York Jets.  There are many lessons to be learned from how the situation was handled and who is right.  Without a doubt, mistakes were made and feelings were hurt.  Farve was a super star at the Packers, worshiped by many, and now he will take on new challenges.  People will feel betrayed.  He might succeed and he might not. 

But here is another perspective that I have not read, but about which people need to realize.  "Retiring" is difficult and a person does not know how it will feel until it happens.  If you look at the definitions of retire in the dictionary, they are not very appealing.  The most common definition is to give up an office, occupation, or career because of age.  But the other definitions are more telling:  secluded or sequestered; to withdraw to a place of privacy, shelter, or seclusion; reserved or shy; to put out.

Retirement for most people is "the elephant in the room" in that most baby boomers are not interested in "retiring" because we want to make a difference in the world.  We want to be useful by continuing to contribute and to be connected to our communities. 

Professional athletes tend to "retire" at a relatively young age because of the physical demands of the sport.  But this transitional time can cause havoc with our lives.  Our whole lives are focused on helping us grow up to be who we want to be and much of this is centered on a career.  When the career is "over," it is hard to know what to do with ourselves.  Some athletes are fortunate to become part of the sports broadcast system, but there are not enough jobs for everyone.

The main point is that all of us need to spend some time and probably some money working through these issues surrounding "retirement."  This is something about which I am passionate.  While I don't have the answers, I want to help people figure it out.  And in the process, I am actually helping myself come to terms with the next phase of life.  What are you doing to prepare for the "second half of life?"   

An Great Example of Sage-ing

Now that I know how to embed videos into my posts, I hope that I am not overdoing it for my readers.  If so, let me know.  But last night we were watching Into the Wild.  I wrote a blog post months ago after I saw this movie for the first time, but I wanted to write about it again because it is a perfect example of sage-ing.

Alex and Mr. Franz serendipitously meet each other.  This intergenerational relationship is one of teacher and learner and it goes both ways. Both of them realize they are learning from each other and start to care about one another.  But Alex knows he must move on and Mr. Franz, with his life experience and wisdom, knows that he will probably never see Alex again.  You can tell that he fears for Alex's safety, but he needs to let him go.

It is such a beautiful scene that I am going to insert it because of the power behind it.  Mr. Franz is a sage and Alex knows it.

Tribute to Randy Pausch

Similar to Morrie in Tuesdays with Morrie, Randy Pausch left us a much to think about in life.  He gave us a gift and that is to think about what is important to us and to start doing it.  Through his lecture, appearances on television, and in his book his legacy will carry on for years to come.

We should all start living our lives in meaningful ways and finding ways for what we think and believe to carry on after we are gone.  One activity I advocate is that of a legacy letter and ethical will.  We don't have to write a book such as The Last Lecture, but we can use that thought of what would be want our last thoughts to be.  This can be done in a letter to the people about whom you most care.  It is never too late and the time to start is now.  That can be our legacy for years to come.

Seven Wonders of the World

Our minister had an interesting perspective on the seven wonders of the world.  First, if you do some research, there are a variety of "seven wonders."  There are the Seven Wonders of the:

• Ancient World
• Medieval World
• Modern World
• New Open World Corporation (NOWC)
• USA Today
• Underwater World and the
• Industrial World

But our minister said, "Here is what I consider to be the major wonders of the world, the ability to:

• see
• touch
• feel
• taste
• hear
• walk
• talk
• love ...

I could not stop thinking about how we take these "wonders" for granted.  When I had each of my three children, I was in continual amazement at how these little "gifts" had ten toes and ten fingers and how each of them could hear and see and ... Life is such a precious thing and our abilities are wonders.  It is even amazing how when we start to lose an ability that other senses tend to take over and compensate.  Stop and think about the "wonders of the world."

The Drive to Bond

Paul Lawrence and Nitin Nohria in their book Driven:  How Human Nature Shapes our Choices, describe four primary innate drives that they believe are hard-wired in the brains of all humans.  According to them, each of these drives needs to be satisfied and in balance or the dark side of the ego starts to appear which negatively influences behaviors.

One of these drives is the drive to bond which translates into a drive to form social relationships and to develop mutual caring commitments with others.  This bond is associated with terms such as love, caring, trust, empathy, compassion, friendship, loyalty, and respect.  All of this sounds good, but if this drive is too strong, bad behaviors start to emerge.

The extreme dark side of the drive to bond is that of war or is an "us" vs. "them" mentality.  Another form would be when people are driven to do things they should not do just to form relationships.  Recently, there was a man in my community who was becoming a mover and a shaker.  When people described him, they used phrases such as:  "He would do anything for his friends."  "He was always there when you needed him."  While I did not know him, he sounded like such a great guy.

But about two weeks ago he committed suicide and now other aspects of him are being revealed.  He forged signatures so that he could borrow millions of dollars to fund his real estate development projects.  It appears that he was using borrowed money to fly his wife and her best friend who is battling cancer to the Mayo Clinic in a private helicopter.  It seems as if he wanted to be liked and he wanted the relationships so badly that he was willing to do unethical things to have this recognition.

Now he is gone and his family has to endure the consequences and the financial ruin that remains.  It is sad that the stories coming out will put a dark cloud over the numerous good things that he said and did in his lifetime.  I believe he was a good person, but the ego is powerful.  We need to always be on the look out to make sure it is not getting the best of us.  This is a sad story for which the ending is not yet known.   

From a Distance

Music is powerful.  There are songs that take you back in time.  You can remember who you were with, what you were thinking, and where you were at the time when the song was popular.  There are a few songs that just stop me in my tracks.  Every time I hear the song I have to stop and think about the words. 

From a Distance, especially sung by Bette Midler, makes me think.  In fact, I use this song in my diversity course because from a distance so many things make sense.  When she sings, "what is all this fighting for," ....I have to stop and think.  Do you believe God is watching us from a distance?  I do. 

The Red Leather Diary

Recently I was in Chicago and ran into an aquaintance who recommended I read the book The Red Leather Diary.  It turns out the author, Lily Koppel, is her daughter who at 27 years of age also writes for the New York Times. 

Well, I read the book, loved it, and I guarantee you it will be made into a movie.  As I read the book, the movie would be a combination between the Titanic and The Notebook.  It is based on a true story of how Lily found a red leather diary in an old steamer trunk waiting to be hauled away.  After she read the whole diary (entries every day for five days from 1929-32), she proceeded to see if the writer was still alive.  When Lily discovered Florence was alive and well at age 90, she was able to interview her which resulted in this book.

What intrigued me was that Florence is an elder with wisdom and Lily was captivated by her storytelling. This was a beautiful example of why sage-ing is so important.  Intergenerational learning keeps everyone more alive.  Through Florence's stories, readers learn about what it was like to grow up as a teenager during the Depression era.  We learn about the values of the time--family values and societal values.  It is storytelling at its best because the stories are told in such vivid descriptions that we can visualize what it was like to live, work, and love during that time period.

In sage-ing, we emphasize the value of journaling or some way of telling your personal story for the benefit of legacy work.  Not only is it helpful to the writer in sharing the story, but readers for years to come can benefit from the wisdom shared. 

We should all tell our story in some way. 

 

Meet Florence and Lily:

Success Built to Last

Success Built to Last:  Creating a Life that Matters is written by Jim Collin's co-author, Jerry Porras, in the book Built to Last which is about companies that are literally built to last.  The book describes three essential elements of success built to last:

• Meaning:  What you do must matter deeply to you in a way that you as an individual define meaning.
• ThoughtStyle:  This is a highly developed sense of accountability, passion, and optimism.
• ActionStyle:  Successful people find effective ways to take action.

"Become consciously aware of what matters to you and then rally your thought and action to support your definition of meaning" (p. 27).

As the authors remind us, "Making a life is as important as making a living."  The question is how do we keep this thought and these three elements "front and center" so that we act on all of this. 

Clashpoint: Career Goals

How do the generations differ on how they perceive career goals?  You might be able to answer this question based on your experiences, but here is what is described in When Generations Collide:

• Traditionalists:  Build a legacy
• Baby Boomers:  Build a stellar career
• Gen X:  Build a portable career
• Millennials:  Build parallel careers

Think about the conversations in career development, coaching, performance appraisals.  Think of people you know in each of these categories.  How should we change what we say or do so that we are speaking the same language?  It is easy to say that people want different things, but workplaces and people within them can't ignore how these perspectives clash.